Lifetime relationships have an expiration date. Or that is what the Spanish psychologist Rafael Santandreu considers.
In his most recent book, he defends the idea that couples should be together for a maximum of five years.
“You do not know how to stay. You arrive, you mess up my life and you leave. Yours is not love, it’s emotional tourism. ”
This quotation from the Mexican writer Edel Suarez demonstrates what for many people today means relationships in pairs: avoid long-term commitment, the renunciation of the self and letting itself be flooded by a timeless love . It is therefore preferable to collect experiences in the company of multiple couples sentimental to stay anchored to one.
“In the future, no couple will pretend to be with the other all their lives. Actually, that is very absurd; Couples should change every five years. I understand that, to this day, this sounds like something regrettable, but the human being is not programmed to have a coexistence based on monogamy or a life partner, ” he argued.
In fact, for the Barcelonian therapist, says,the main problem of couples is love itself (it is neural, as the author defines this feeling). This is because we maintain an irrational belief that sentimental love is the cornerstone of our individual happiness. “Hollywood has sold it to us, along with comfort. It has never been like this, and it never will be. We think it is something so important, we live sentimental love as something unnatural and we understand it in an aberrant way, that’s why it works so badly, “he says.
The unprecedented sentimental model proposed by the Catalan focuses its arguments on the sexual limitation, especially the one that the woman experiences, of whom she says she still lives very repressed in this aspect. Affirms that the current prototype of a love relationship based on monogamy (affective and sexual) encourages the appearance of jealousy and dependencies that could be avoided if one understands the world of couples as something transient and changing: “Visualise a brutal abundance where before you saw a wasteland,” he says. Something like, “I love you very much, but I do not need you,” as he sums it up.
The cognitive psychologist Rafael Santandreu defends in his book Las gafas de la felicidad this thesis that love is a transient, ephemeral matter; a perishable emotion that should not last more than five years. This idea is gaining strength at present because of the frenetic pace to which people are subject in their day to day life and the multiple opportunities for personal growth that can not always be harmonized with the vital objectives of the other member of the relationship.